


In your arms I feel safe

by the_milky_way



Series: 25 Days of Buck and Eddie [9]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 25 Days of Fic, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Coming Out, Hurt Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Injury, Life and Death situation, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Prompt Fic, Sort Of, Trapped, Worried Evan "Buck" Buckley, prompts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:14:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27977931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_milky_way/pseuds/the_milky_way
Summary: They are trapped and it doesn't seem like they'll get out alive. Or at least Eddie thinks so. He also thinks this is the perfect moment to confess some things.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: 25 Days of Buck and Eddie [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2036098
Comments: 20
Kudos: 270
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	In your arms I feel safe

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt for Day 9:  
> "Alive"
> 
> Title and lyrics are from Chef'Special "In your Arms"

Darkness. Complete and all-encompassing. Oppressing. It is all he can see when he comes to. He blinks - once, twice. Nothing. So, blind then. Or trapped. Memories flash. A broken water pipe. An instable house. Buck and him trying to evacuate. Then darkness. 

Buck. He needs to find Buck. Where’s Buck? 

Panic settles rapidly, makes his breath harsh and his body numb. Until the pain claims him. It’s then that he feels the concrete trapping him. Pain radiates, through his body and his mind. When he tries to move, slow and cautious, the rubble on his back doesn’t, not even an inch. The soft ground he’s lying does though.

The ground is talking, too. Only, he doesn’t grasp the words, their meaning. He tries to move again. To get away. To see. When a strong hand settles against the nape of his neck he flinches hard and then just deflates. Because he knows this hand. Registers the unique cadence of the vice still talking to him. Realizes that his face is pressed into a strong chest. 

Buck.

“Hey there. Finally with me?”

The hand, the long fingers carding through his hair, they ground him. The voice just above his head does, too. He still can’t see, simply hopes it’s because of the lack of light and not his eyes.

“Trapped?”

His voice sounds rough, dry with dust. It hurts to speak, hurts to breathe even more. He doesn’t like it. Doesn’t want to think about what it means. He feels something slick and warm sliding down his side, the one that isn’t pressed into Buck.

“Yeah. House came down around us. But they are already digging. Radio’s shot but I could hear them shouting. I'm good. We are fine.” Buck sounds ok, voice not laced with pain. Doesn't sound like he is trying to hide anything eiterh. Which is good but makes him realize that he might actually be the one not making it out alive. Because his pain? Definitely there and intensifying.

“Eddie?”

He must have slipped for a bit because Buck sounds like he has said Eddie’s name a few times already. Yeah, this is not good. 

“‘M here.”

“Oh good. Good, ‘cause I kinda hate the dark and talking to myself is boring.”

Buck’s arms are around him now. He’s lying almost completely on top of him. And maybe that’s the reason why he lost time there. If the throbbing pain is anything to go by, Buck moving him must have been fun. At least there aren’t any hard edges digging into his back anymore. Just Buck’s hand slowly, gently, almost reverently moving up and down. 

Eddie lost his turnout coat when the house started sliding and they frantically tried to get out. It got caught, he chucked it, then got buried again. The slick feeling at his side, the wetness soaking his shirt, it all tells that maybe this time he won’t be as lucky as the last time. He is starting to feel cold, despite Buck’s heat seeping into him from where they are pressed close. Not colder than the well, though. Not yet.

“Christopher.” Is what he mumbles against Buck’s chest. Because of course, his son will always be his first thought, his first priority. And if he’s not making it out, he at least can make sure that Chris will be cared for. He changed that paperwork after the well. Never got around to tell Buck, though. 

“Hey, yeah. You’ll see him soon enough. Promise, Eds.” 

Buck sounds so damn confident, something Eddie wishes he could copy. He grimaces when he shifts, bites his lip to suppress the pained yell. 

“Ca… can’t promise that,” he gasps out between one harsh breath and another.

“Sure can. We are getting out of here. Alive. I just know it.”

What Eddie knows is that Buck’s trying to be strong. To convince Eddie and himself. It’s a nice thought. It’s inherently Buck. Caring and so damn big-hearted.

“‘S a lota blood.” Eddie hears himself slur the words, swallows and tries again. “Not sure… gonna make it. You…. you get… him. Chris. You’ll get him. Changed it all to you.”

And yes, it is a big thing. To confess this right in this situation and to actually having gone through with changing the necessary papers. Eddie just doesn’t have the mind, the capability to think about it right now. He only wants Buck to know.

“Fuck,” Buck sighs. Against the top of Eddie’s head, warm soft breath ruffling the hear and sliding over Eddie like a caress. He wishes he could see Buck, could look at him. He settles for pressing closer.

“Yeah. Yeah, okay.” It’s a concession and a promise from Buck. No more words, they aren’t needed. Eddie knows Chris will be fine. It takes a weight off his shoulders even though he hates that he’s got to let go. Buck’s hand has been pressing against his side for a while now. Eddie felt it, groaned with the movement. His blood is soaking Buck, too, gravity summoning it downwards. When Eddie closes his eyes, all he sees is red. It’s better than the blackness around them.

“Talk t’me.” He needs to hear Buck’s voice. Needs it to know he’s still alive. At least for now.

And Buck talks. Of everything and nothing. Of childhood mishaps and teenage drama. Of pets he always wanted to have and people he liked. Eddie knows most of it but still revels in the fact that Buck shares it all with him again. Here, in the darkness, where both know it might be the last time. Buck tells him how he wanted to pin Eddie against a wall the first time they met. Eddie knows this, too. Thanks to a drunken confession he’s pretty sure Buck forgot about.

Like the first time it makes him want to repay the favor. Be honest with Buck as well. Lying there, bleeding out, bleeding onto his best friend while being held in his arms, Eddie decides to be. Honest. With Buck. Live’s draining out of him, more and more each passing second and Buck deserves to know. Also, Eddie knows Buck won’t reject him. Not in this moment. Later, sure, if he just wants to be friends. But there probably won’t be a later. So Buck will just hold him, securely, sheltered and be there.

Eddie opens his mouth to say something he’s never dared to admit before. He’s been raised a certain way, with certain expectations. He never dared to cross that line when home even though he truly soared past conventions when he packed up and left for LA. All his life he went through the motions because it was, still is, expected. To hell with conventions, though. It worked once, continents and oceans away. Why not again? At least for now, here, trapped with the man he could see himself fall into something good.

“I… hate sex… with women,” is what comes out in the end. Not what he’d planned but it should make it clear what he means.

Buck chokes on a word, half a sentence swallowed and never set free. He was in the middle of retelling how he got his first tattoo. Eddie loves that story. 

“You… do, huh?” Buck sounds cautious, unsure, like he doesn’t know how to take Eddie’s words.

“So much. Am good at it. But… but only did.. Did it ‘cause it was expected.”

The silence that settles between them isn’t bad. It’s more like they need it to process. For Buck to process Eddie’s confession and for Eddie to process the fact that he wants Buck to ask. To ask why? To ask how? To ask what it means for them after - even though there might not something to go back to very soon. Buck shifts them, carefully with slow and practised moves. It barely hurts anymore. The cold is creeping in faster now. Eddie’s breathing gets shallow in a way he doesn’t like.

But then he’s pressed against Buck’s neck, feels his rapid heartbeat beneath his cheek. He smiles. It’s a good position to be in. He doesn’t feel the pain at all. Breathes slow and as deep as he can manage, gently scims dry chapped lips over warm, salty skin. Buck’s arms squeeze him tighter, almost desperately so. Eddie smiles some more.

“You… you like sex, though?” Buck chokes a little, voice cracking on the last word. He, too, knows what’s inevitable now.

“Yeah.” He does. He’d like to have it again. 

Can he have sex in heaven? Or will he go to hell for the sex he really wants to have? He doesn’t even believe in this entire construct. There’s a reason he hated church. He believes, just in his own way. He doesn’t need an institution for that. There are things between life and death that aren’t explainable. So he believes.

“Just not with women,” Buck whispers into Eddie’s hair. He's hiding his face there now - hot tears sliding down onto Eddie. 

“No.”

“Men?”

“Yes.”

“Fuck, Eds. Why… why now? We could have… No, you know what? We still can. We will. They’ll get us out of here and then… “ Buck trails off, breathless and trying to suppress his sobs. 

“Who says… I want... with you?” He tries to lighten the mood a little. It hurts to hear Buck’s small sobs, to realize how Buck’s trying to stay still, not to jostle him, not to give in to desperation.

“Why tell me otherwise?” The sniffles into his hair should be cross, shouldn’t make him want to crawl into Buck and be there with him. 

“True. I… ‘M sorry. Waited too long.” His eyes slip shut. This time he doesn’t have the strength to pull them open again. He feels himself sack more against Buck, like his strings have been cut from behind the curtain. 

“Eddie? Eddie! Fuck hell. No. Don’t you dare. Not now. Hey… Hey, Eddie. When we get out of here. I’ll show you good sex. I promise. It’ll be really good. And.. and I’ll love… Yeah…. I’ll tell you later. Come on, say something. Please. Eddie?” Buck is now openly sobing into Eddie's hair, squeezes tight enough that Eddie actually feels the pain a little again. 

Blinks his eyes open because of it. Buck’s desperation is heartbreaking. He wants to say something, wants to tell Buck that he would very much like to take him up on that offer. That he loves him in a way he’s never loved before.

All he can do is groan in pain when bright light hits his eyes. 

The last thing he hears is Buck’s mumbled “they found us, Eddie” before darkness claims him all over again. 

+++

He comes around to the feeling of one of his hands being held in a strong and warm one. To words edged into the silence surrounding him. No, not just words, lyrics. He blinks his eyes open slowly, almost painfully. Buck’s face is right next to his on the pillow. Creases on his skin and eyes so blue Eddie could get lost in them. Full lips halted around tunes Eddie just wants to listen to a little longer.

“Go on,” he whispers, not wanting to break the spell between them just yet.

Buck does. Tears pooling around a deep blue. With a smile on his lips that is so true Eddie can’t help but return it.

_From the day that I met you I stopped feeling afraid_  
In your arms I feel safe  
In your arms I feel safe 

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea where this came from. It has been done for a couple of days already but I didn't know when to post it. And I wanted a different ending, which there is now. But if this ending feels somehwat rushed, then it's because I just couldn't let it end where it originally did.
> 
> A., you are a treasure.  
> All remaining mistakes are unfortunately still mine.


End file.
